I'm re-reading your comment and want to pick upon something you said that I missed before. Specifically,

Unlike in my case, I don't even know what will make me happy if it only involves myself. I seem to find happiness with other people , tho I know that's wrong but i don't know how to make myself feel special without others making me feel one.

There is nothing wrong with finding happiness with other people. Obviously your talent is connected with other people. You just have to gradually get more and more precise to what exactly it is.

I don’t know whether i really have a full grasp f who I really am.. what are my talents, or what are my weaknesses.. Iit might have been i’ve been trying so hard to know myself more lately that I can’t really seem to get the real me. I know I’m strong in a sense that I believe if I won’t be doing it no one else will do it for me. so it’s reall more of like trying to move on with this world and do things that will make me survive but until now im in search of what my real purpose is. Oh, I’ve read so many stuff about these, insights that sometimes i envy them for reall knowing who they are, Unlike in my case, I don’t even know what will make me happy if it only involves myself. I seem to find happiness with other people , tho I know that’s wrong but i don’t know how to make myself feel special without others making me feel one. Ir feels like im just making a fool of myself. Oh yes, I’m good with a lot of other things but all of those ar average skills not really something that anyone can brag about and I don’t know a specifically talent uniquely for me to really be proud of. as for weaknesses, i have a lot of them too… I have so many dreams in life as well and wanted a good life ahead of me too.. just that i more often thatn not get loze in the maze of life that I don’t even know how to find my way to reach them… I’m not even sure if i’m making any sense on what I’m saying now .. well, finally you have the idea that I’m really confuse and still at the stage of dicoverng myself and my happiness by just dealing it alone.

I know what I want to say, but I can’t express it clearly at the moment. I will write a post on it when I can put it into words.

The real issue though is one of identity. Who are you? What is your life about?

It is this that will bring the solution you are looking for.

When you struggle between two or more issues like this, it just means you have disconnected with yourself. Work to reconnect and then you will not have the question, for you will be inspired to your path.

So the ideal state would be to spend all of your waking hours in activities that give you a “perception of freedom to be yourself”, but focussed on something that is not my sense of self..

rob, i think the above formula that you suggested comes from two levels of awareness.

I was reading Daniel Kahneman’s work on the internet and he was distingushing between happiness experienced by the ” remembered/evaluating self” and “experiencing self”

My experiencing self would like more of positive emotion. feelings of pleasure, interest/enthusiasm, recognition, love and would like less of states/activities that increases the probability of negative emotion like criticism, frustration, boredom, time pressure, being evaluated.

However, my “remembering/evaluating self” cares less about the “positive/negative emotion balance”, but is more interested in “feeling of purpose/meaning” , “does it give me the freedom to be myself?”

When the above two selves are in harmony, great, there is no issue at all..

When the above two are in some sort of conflict, then which of the two selves is more valuable?

Let me give you an example..

I am faced with a situation where I have a well paid, easy and non-stressful job that does not represent or enhance my “who I am” or “sense of self’..

It does however give me the luxury of time and moey to pursue my interests.. I am able to spend 50% of my waking time on weekdays and 80% of my waking time on weekends in activities that are engaing and enhances my “sense of self”.. and the balance of emotion is quite positive..

Out of the remaining 50% of waking time on weekdays, it is working on tasks those are not meaningful to me,,i do not feel “more of me”.. there are some fears, criticism and time pressure, but on the whole i would say that the balance of +ve and -ve emotion is in balance with a slight tilt to the -ve side..

I face the following choices:

1. Continute what I am doing, and find ways to make the 50% (the not so good part) of my weekdays better.

2. Try to do something that enhances my “preception of freedom to be myself ” and “that brings out my unique talents” say 80% of the time during weekdays.

If I choose option 2, what I risk is a nice salary.
Under option 2, i would need to be more structured and I would be under some pressure to sell my services, i would be under pressure to deliver value, I would have more stress..

Under option 2, my concern is that the positive emotions experienced by the “experiencing self’ would be reduced considerably and I am not sure if the happiness experienced by the “remembering self” would be enhanced.

which is more important??

Rob and all my fellow friends in this forum are welcome to comment.

In terms of a specific skill, i can explain complex ideas in simple ways (you are very good at this Rob).. my limitation is that my working memory is small and i cannot hold many things in my mind at the same time.. i need time to think through it.
I am quit inuitive and am good at getting to the essence of a subject or conversation.

My talent is bringing people together – either as volunteers in a group, as friends amisdt busy schedules, family gatherings etc. It brings me great joy, and is often neglected due to schedules etc. Such a shame.

Thank you for your article – it encourages me not to neglect my talent and my joy.