Comments on: What Makes a Relationship Healthy And When Is It Abusive?

By: Maxzy

Maxzy — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 01:25:00 +0000

I agree with you Teresia. You will definately loose yourself and your unique identity when you are caught in an unhealthy relationship. Its a tendecy for the partner not carrying the baggage (which may include, lowself-esteem, guilt, disappointment, unaccomplished life goals, unreslove trauma etc,) to be constanly giving up of himself/herself to maintain some degree of functionong in the relationship.

By: honey

honey — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:35:13 +0000

i would like to share my problem with u that im also suffering the same situation.whenever my beloved get angry he starts abusing.i cant leave him becoz i love him…

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 05:17:22 +0000

I think a person is happy or balance in his or her life; one can contribute to a healthy relationship. The outcome of successful relationship will be higher.

On the other hand, if a person is out of balance, he/she will become more insecure and demanding, etc that will contribute to the relationship of Abusive.

By: Julie Harrah

Julie Harrah — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:09:27 +0000

What Makes a Relationship Healthy And When Is It Abusive? Awesome question!

A relationship is a corporation. A corporation can only succeed if everyone puts 110%. A healthy relationship requires more than 110%. When one begins to expect without giving it unconditionally, the relationship becomes abusive. It is abusive because it effects not only the relationship; it is also effects the person that receiving it. Define abusive! The very first thing that came to my mind is: someone hurts someone’s physically or emotionally. Must it be for a long period in order to qualify as abusive? In my mind it does not need to be. The outcome is the same whether 1 day, 2 days, 2 months, or 1 year. Someone is getting hurt.

By: Rob McPhillips

Rob McPhillips — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:50:03 +0000

Hi Casey,

Interesting point you make in both posts.

I haven’t made a point to ignore female comments. However, if you look at the date stamps on the comments I replied to those when the topic was fresh in my mind. When the later posts came I was involved in other topics and either didn’t have time to comment on them.

Or sometimes I get very focused down a different topic and I can’t easily switch to go back to a different topic. And sometimes I see the comments as adding experience to what was just theory and so not needing any comment from me.

The other post you make is I think very sound. Ultimately all problems in life amount to a matter of deception. Over time deception, to yourself or to another’ will always be revealed.

By: casey

casey — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:57:01 +0000

interseting Rob you respond to the male comments…………….

By: casey

casey — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:54:30 +0000

trusting a liar is not the fault of the person trusting
liars decieve even themselves as well as loved ones
that is the major root of all issues
deception………
not the acts as much as deception
in a abusivie relationship first your a victum if you don’t get out then your a volenteer

By: Vivian Wrenn

Vivian Wrenn — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:14:25 +0000

God showed me these pivotal things about a relationship:
1. A good relationship you can be both weak and strong

2. In an abusive relationship you are either weak or strong
Weak – brow beaten
Strong – to keep from being brow beaten

3. Honesty and Trust is vital and when the other is not honest in small things it is definitely time to take a step back and monitor. Emotions are high at pivotal times, especially when one’s heart is on their sleeve and they can react in silly ways, but when push comes to shove are they going to come out with the truth and communicate with you directly and effectively.

4. In an abusive relationship the abusee’s whole identity rests and relies on the abuser’s acceptance and approval, which is very unhealthy because the abuser has not accepted or approved of themselves.

By: Teresia

Teresia — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:02:04 +0000

To me a abusive relationship is constant complaints and criticism against their partner. I think those people suffer from low self-esteem.
They try to bring their partners down to their insecure levels.

If you get into such a relationship – person with low self-esteem -
run like hell. You cannot help those people because they don’t want to help themselves and they will never ever change.

You will be hurt and if you don’t join them at the bottom but instead get stronger because of the abuse, they will just get worse in their abuse.
Thus you are stuck in the cycle of abuse.

By: nancy timms

nancy timms — Wed, 14 May 2008 02:01:55 +0000

I have been in a very abusive relationship for seven years now. Mentally and Physical. Before entering this relationship I thought I wasn’t looking for anything lacking in my life, but looking to enhance my life. I thought that with my life experience that I could bring more life to this person’s life than they had before. In a very short time I came to realize that we both had very different ideas of what we were bringing into this relationship.
The biggest mistake was not communicating what we were both looking for. Had this been a conversation from the start, I know that this would not have lasted this long. I now understand that from the begining both individuals need to understand why they are entering the relationship. But most important to the honesty of what they are looking for. Even after I realized what had not happened in the begining and had tried to get the answers that were so important to try to make this work, they never came.
They never came because this person was not concerned about me, but only concerned about them. And to this day has never changed. My point here is know what you are walking into and take this very slow. The truth will show eventually and hopefully when it does you will have the ability to walk away if is is not right,