What Is The End Goal?
It’s become apparent to me recently that our vocabulary is woefully inadequate. Increasingly, I have found that essentially I am agreeing with someone, but we use words that are the polar opposite because what we mean by certain terms are very different.
I brought up the Hero series topic because I wanted to explore what it was that we are all really striving for. I think that though we are looking to manage stress better, or build up our self-image, or have better relationships, I think we are striving for something beyond just the relief of problems.
photo credit: h.koppdelaney
Because when you get rid of problems what are you left with?
Emptiness.
Now I know this is the goal of many, such as Zen Buddhists.
While I love peace, it’s more fulfilling to throw yourself wholeheartedly into something. I truly do not believe our whole purpose in being here is to eliminate the chatter of the Ego. There must be something more. Something beyond neutral and purely positive.
Let me share my personal experience. About 5 or 6 years ago, all of a sudden the constant mundane chatter in my mind went.
There was no great event or anything, but I just noticed my mind wasn’t constantly providing a running commentary as it previously had done. Soon after I found that my mind was occupying itself with the most inane of thoughts. I realised that it was a type of mental fidgeting to occupy the gap created by the silenced mind. In time this quickly passed and now, unless I think about something, my mind is largely silent.
I enjoy this state of mind. I love silence and tranquility. And in comparison to anxiety and meaningless chatter it’s great.
But that’s much like being in neutral is better than being in reverse gear to get somewhere. I believe that the next stage has to be to move forward and accelerate. But what exactly is that state called?
I think that we want to be heroic. To be recognised, even admired. To achieve great things.
We aren’t looking for a Partner that likes us, we want one that adores us. We don’t want cordial relationships with our Colleagues, we want them to recognise our brilliant genius and love our work and us.
If you ask people what they want in their life, most will say to be happy. But while we can describe our negative emotions more specifically as despairing, depressed or irritated, we really don’t have that range for more positive emotional states. Or not that sound like any sane, well balanced individuals would use without feeling at least a twinge of embarrassment.
It seems telling of where our focus lies, that we are easily able to describe anger and frustrations perfectly and yet struggle to put together the words of what it is we spend all this energy pursuing.
I’ve been trying to sum up that end goal in one or two words and I can’t find any that do not sound over-dramatic or cliched.
Happy, doesn’t really mean anything. Or it means so much that it’s lost any specific focus. Emotional well-being sounds too clinical. Ecstatic, rapturous, bliss, ‘in the zone’, flowing and so on are more of a temporary state than a way of living. Nirvana and enlightenment are pretty close, but they seem so unattainable and otherworldly, that I don’t think many could relate to them in their own life.
Following your bliss is probably the closest that I can find and feel comfortable with, but I’d like to have a word or short phrase that everyone can grasp and understand. I’ve been searching through thesauruses, but I still can’t grasp the word. Here’s a word cloud I made that analyses the words in this blog to make a graphic representation.
Image courtesy of wordle.net. Click here for larger image.
So my question for you today is;
What is this thing that we are striving for in life?
The ultimate goal, not money, position or anything like that, but the essence of what life is about. What is the end state, the goal?
How would you describe it?
I would describe it as being present, having fun, really feeling grateful (we are so blessed!), trying new things, having loving people around me who support and nurture me. Nurturing myself through activities that are yummy – such as movement, song, drumming and laughing. Learning, laughing and loving.
Dear Rob,
I believe that every persons wants to satisfy there soul yearning, meaning the mind, body and spiritual balance.
I would agree with you. I am a very serious person and having fun is something i dont do often enough. Also my demeanor is mostly serious. we just forget how to be good to ourselves due to insecurities and expectations.
I find my goal to be happiness and the pursuit is more important than reaching the target. Perhaps it is the anticipation of that state that motivates me. Have you ever gotten a great nights sleep and just woken up ready to seize the day? It doesn't happen every morning, but sometimes the prospect of what that particular day might hold is enough reason to face the world with vigor. Most people would agree that the expectancy of an event is the greater joy, rather than the event it's self. So dream big, and enjoy the journey.
Rob, great question. I would like to have a state of mind or inner strength that I can weather all the ups and downs of life's challenges. Is it possible? Any suggestion or insight?
What I think we are all looking for is a sense of completion. Let me explain myself. I believe that everything in this Universe is connected, but we have lost that sense of connection and therefore that sense of completion within ourselves.
Our struggle is to define what those connections are and they will be personal to the individual as everyone will have their own unique perspective, so their sense of what those connections are will be different. For some it may be reconnecting with nature, for others social acceptance or simply social interaction.
It could be equated with the Hirearchy of Needs. When we achieve security and success at one level (whatever your personal definition of success may be), there is another level to challenge you. It's almost like playing a computer game. You need to figure what your end goal of your current level is based on the meagre clues given and achieve that before moving on to the next level. It is only when you reach the highest standard of being human that we will feel complete. It is our positive efforts to achieve this which make it the Hero's Journey.
Hi Rob
Personally, I think the reason it is difficult to quantify our purpose is because there isn't one. It's like asking the purpose of any being. There is no pre-ordained reason for whales, snakes, dogs or humans. We're just "here". There is only the purpose we perceive, what fits with our life philosophy. For me, my philosophy fits closest with Aristotle's. The end goal for which all other goals are pursued is "eudaimonia", or to flourish, to be fulfilled. Aristotle believed that creatures are most fulfilled when they fulfill their unique capabilities. For example, to generalize, dogs are most likely to be fulfilled when using their keen sense of smell, but dogs differ so fulfillment will be specific to the dog's unique capabilities. Similary, for humans, our unique capability is thinking, so that is the path to our fulfillment. What a particular individual thinks about will depend on their specific unique capabilities.
I think the end goal is to be in sync with energy of the universe. To give and receive from it. To be fulfilled simply be being who you are at this moment. Of course to get to that place one has to eliminate all of the mental clutter from their minds. All of the fears (which are mostly pointless), and all of the meaningless preoccupations. I doubt many ever achieve such a state, but it certainly is something to strive for.
This is easy, the real challenge is, What is the right question?". See the following link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aboZctrHfK8
Good God man this is life. To me it looks like you are trying to find "perfection" lol. There is no such defining thing as perfection. Perfection is what? The universe does not stop. Life is perfect It's not pink, blue, red etc. End goal? lol Life is perfectly evolving. No end no beginning.
When I think of the best moments of my life, "happy" is not the word I would choose. Those moments were filled with purpose and my thinking centered on means to achieve segments of the purpose. I felt inspired and creative and well, passionate about what I was doing.
So many "how to" treatises talk about achieving your dream. For me, now, the problem is identifying a purpose or dream. It is necessary to be involved enough in life to feel called to act courageously. ( And not to be seduced by false ideals and projects -to be able to discern the potential evils in the most worthwhile projects.)
"Following your Bliss" sounds great to me. the comment I have is that it may sound like Bliss is the end goal whereas our point is that bliss is in the journey..
Maybe : Blissfully following your bliss or
Blissfully Flourishing
My experience has been that the neutral gear is not sustainable for long. I have experienced the state when all problems have been solved, when there is nothing bothering me and it is a very blissul state..This blissfull state is enabled by tools such as meditation and also a cognitive understanding of what life is all about..
Shiva
Cont from prev comment..
however, this blissful state of being does not last forever..sooner rather than later, my mind wants to pursue something.. i want to be heroic, i want recognition, i want to feel competent and adding value, i want pleasure etc etc.. so already the bliss is lost.. i start craving for meaning, purpose and pleasure.
and the moment I start this pursuit, sometimes a sense of purpose is restored but the journey will have some inherent stress as we will be going to the next level..
othertimes a sense of doubt sets in whether the pursuit is worth its while and this is stressful.
Any pursuit inevitably creates stress and a conscious use of the tools of meditation and other cognitive techniques helps me to take a step back, clarify to my self..
If we get so skilled at managing this stress then the journey becomes blissful and we can blissfully follow our bliss/purpose.
Shiva
I think the purpose of life is to be what God intended us to be – to actualise your potential.
I think the purpose of life is to give happiness to others people specialy we should be careful about our family desires and happiness.
We all r in search of money status and good jobs at that time we never think about others happiness.
For good ,happy and peaceful life we should think about others as well.
And its natural that no one happy in their present life every one needs and wants change.
God bless!
Difficult question with – I am afraid – no answer possible. If you have the answer, then probably you are not living or not human (or both).
Are we living to be happy? I do not think so. There is an urge within us towards the pursuit of happiness. And I feel that urge most helpful, because it helps me to pursue happiness and not wealth or status or other trivial items. The pursuit of happiness seems to me some guarantee that I do not become selfish, or lazy or jealous or some other nasty behavior. Because the pursuit of happiness has something natural that keeps us away from our weak human side.
So, what are we striving for? Honestly, deep within me, I feel myself part of a total human evolution. It is my task to get my children strong and independent. That in order that they again can do the same with their children. And all that in a continuous evolution of improvement and growth. And human kind is striving for what? Maybe to get back to the lost paradise, where only relentless, continuous happiness is felt?
So I really do not know, unless I feel this hunger for happiness combined with a survival, not of myself, but of my children and my children’s children. Is this not universal for us all?
To me the essence of life is about achieving an emotionally balanced state of mind which helps to reach a situation of fulfillment, ultimately to help the self and the others to flourish. Such a state of mind should be able to provide a very simple explanation to peace and chaos in order that pursuit of happiness for me as well as for those who provide space to me and my being find it easier and worthwhile. The end state should not seriously matter , because one does not mind getting hated occassionally by the dear ones and is equally prepared to absorb the shock on finding the staunchest of the opposition become an admirer.
I define life as one where people term my absence in their life like a void rather then my presence being a must , my position a platform for all to share and my laughs for keeps and not temporary.
Manoj, I like the idea of being missed rather than needed. I have often pondered on the importance of being enjoyed as opposed to being needed.
Eric, I think there is something in that. I've often thought that the urge for happiness is in us to drive us towards evolution. It's kind of a course correcting safety net to ensure that sooner or later we go in the direction for evolution.
We can get lost temporarily with short term pleasures, but ultimately they cause bigger problems, which leads us back to the path for evolution.
I don't think there is, was or ever will be a paradise of perpetual pleasure. I think instead we are a microcosm of life and like us life must grow or die. Each time we step into the unknown, through our unique action, the boundaries of the universe have expanded. And so as this action is repeated by millions of individuals, the totality of what the universe has experienced has grown and so life expands forever crossing new boundaries and so evolving.
Honey, definitely part of the equation is to have a focus on something greater than us, which may be family, community etc.
Sally, I think self actualisation is another way of describing it, which means much the same as Eudaimonia.
Shiva, I love the phrase 'blissfully flourishing'. It's true that you can never stagnate. Life is either flourishing or decaying.
As you say, many people live with this idea that paradise would be to be lying on a beach with every wish being granted without you ever having to raise a finger. But that would soon become boring.
I think the key is to eliminate the brakes that hold us back from moving forward as quickly as we would like.
Connie, yes, yes, yes. That's exactly what I meant by live without conflict. Without external conflict, but especially without internal conflict.
Doug, I agree that there is no set purpose. You've really refined my question to really being, what is the purpose we perceive we are seeking?
I did consider Eudaimonia, it's probably the best and most descriptive word to explain this state, but there are very few people who would understand it's meaning, so I was hoping to find a more universally understood word or phrase, but I don't think there is one without it becoming so broad or cliched that it loses it's meaning.
Elaine, very, very insightful. Thank you. You have opened up a new set of ideas for me. Certainly this desired state is very personal and possibly unique.
The only possible difference in opinion I would have is that I don't think we will ever reach a state of completion. But I may be misinterpreting your words.
You mentioned the 'Hero's Journey', are you familiar with Joseph Campbell's work?
I would be very interested if you had anything more to expand on these ideas.
Diana, yes that would be the goal. It is definitely possible to improve your resilience and ability to cope. Every post and page here is about evolving yourself into a stronger person. If you apply the concepts you'll notice the difference.
Heidi, good point. It is all about the journey. That's really what I meant. End goal is misleading because there really is no end goal. What I meant more was the desired state of being that we are reaching for as we travel this path.
Roi, yes I agree with that. I'm just trying to find a descriptive word or short phrase that encapsulates all of that.
Grainne and James, I think these things are the highlights of it, but I'm really trying to get to grips with the more permanent whole life experience that also includes the times when life gets tough.
Bill, hilarious. Thank you, that made me laugh. Now can you give us the real question?
Victoria, yes I am seeking perfection. My words were a little misleading, I understand that there is no ultimate end state and evolution is continual, but what I'm getting at, to be more precise, is what is the most perfect state of being we are capable of imagining and striving for right now.
June, I completely agree with you. There is a way of being that even when the sun isn't shinking and all is not well and you are not as most people would describe happy, but there is a vitality and sense of mission. I just can't find the word or words to express that state adequately.
And most of the work in reaching that state is in finding your sense of focus and passion. Then the work is to stay pure to the vision.
Rob, what is ' '", am I missing something here?
We don't get to the goal in one day, just because we say "THIS IS IT". Any practical things/exercises we can do to improve our "coping" ability and enhance our outlook in life?
Yeh, either too broad (flourish, be a good human, be content) or too obscure (self-actualize, self-realization, potential realization (potentialization!).
Rob
THanks for that and no I'm not familiar with Joseph Campbell, and I agree that we never reach a state of full completion, at least not when we're alive, but it's like what yourself and others have said here, it's all about the journey, not the destination. The day we know everything and feel that 'completion" will be the day that we die.
Maybe I have an optimistic view (or hope) of what is beyond death. But in the interim, goals are what defines us and when we attain or achieve a goal we have set for ourselves, then a sense of triumph and (dare I say it) sense of completing something we have set for ourselves. We feel pretty chuffed with ourselves for a while before we either lose the value of our goal (and subsequently have to relearn it again) or we set ourselves another new goal that hopefuly builds on the last one.
Happiness or a stronger sense of self grows from achieving that goal, again for a while and I think people who look for happiness and a sense of self in places like here, will never be fully happy.
And before anyone who may read this exclaims in indignation, I will explain. There will always be people who will be happy just plodding along and taking whatever life throws at them, and then there are those (like your devoted followers!!) who seek and strive for happiness. We set goals, we work hard at achieving them, we feel happy when we do, and then….. what next? It's not that we are unhappy people, far from it.
We stand on the road and see how far we have to go, how much we have yet to achieve, and from that stems my notion of completion; there is always room to do more, to feel more to …. 'BE' more. What I think we sometimes forget to do when on that road is to once in a while look back. Look at what you have achieved already. Look at what we have accomplished. But being human, we want more, want to be more. We still feel like something is missing………
Sorry for babbling on…..
E
Rob,
I think the human condition is like a transceiver – we 'transmit' and we 'receive'.
As a receiver we are at our most fulfilled/happy etc. when we are ‘inspired’ – whether it be by our children’s’ antics, nature, music, art, motor racing, etc. When we are truly feeling inspired we feel full/complete/energised etc.
As a transceiver we are fulfilled when we are being creative – doing things that in the very ‘doing’ give us a profound sense of pleasure not merely because of the outcome.
The great thing is that when you spend time around someone who is being creative you are inspired (not necessarily by what they are doing but the way in which they are doing it) which in turn this stimulates our own creativity.
So I gues I would say:
Get creative, Be inspired – and settle for nothing less!
Sorry Diane. I don't know why, but the gibberish came up for some reason when I posted the comment.
Don't laugh, but after writing to this blog for over a year I have only just realised I can reply to individual posts.
Yes there are many things. I have written about many of them, eg see <a href=”http://livewithoutconflict.com/blog/managing-stre…” target=”_blank”>http://livewithoutconflict.com/blog/managing-stre…
My focus is increasingly on the practical steps. I am writing a guide and there is much more coming.
Don't apologise, it was all good. As you said life is like a game of ever increasing refinement, precision and complexity. The key is to get involved in the game and not be a spectator.
exactly
Good point Roland. Our experience of life depends on our state of being. The art of achieving the states we desire depends on focusing our attention on the stimulation and contexts around us to get on the wavelength of those states of being.
Good point Roland.
Our experience of life depends on our state of being. The art of achieving the states we desire depends on focusing our attention on the stimulation and contexts around us to get on the wavelength of those states of being.
We want to find our essence. What we were meant to do and accomplish. And when we do and we work at it we are complete. I also believe that what we want is love -the love for ourselves and the love of others. Pure, honest love for all of us.
Hi Rob,
Great commments – particularly identify with Elaine. In answer to your question I can't top the following quote from Einstien '"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." I have truly found that when I am focused on our interconnectedness and helping others to be happy I feel great. Can't always stay there though – working on it – somehow the process itself brings a kind of deep inner peace that is always there if that makes sense to anyone?
Hmmm…..my dad and i spoke about this subject just the other day. To never know the answer to your question is what brings the need to strive. As you said, in so many words, if we could answer that question and realise what we are all striving for, we may just have a chance of getting there…and then what. My answer is that we are all striving for the mental physical and emotional feelings that striving brings, we are all striving to strive…if that makes sense. And to understand people, and ourselves… you know, they say the buddist monks can live completely in the moment, they can spend most of thier time deep in meditation and a positive calm state of mind…..i do not truly believe that any person on earth has ever ever been able to accomplish that. What you say is true Rob….what if there is nothing left to gain, you reached the ultimate goal…whats left???
I think that's very true Stella. In other words, how we can fit in to the flow of the universe.
I love that quote, Ruth, but I've never come across it before.
It was this idea of expanding into a harmony with life, through resolving conflicts that led me to call this site Live Without Conflict.
Interesting point Jill. I definitely do think that it is the striving that is the essence of life.
My words were a little misleading, in that I don't believe there is an ultimate, only what we see as ultimate, from where we stand now. I think there's always more refined levels to evolve to. Always new ground to explore.
Words ey. And meanings.
I once asked my partner if she wanted a glass of orange juice. She briefly answered no as she read through a magazine. I made her one anyway. Knowing she had just returned home from work and eaten her tea, she’s bound to be thirsty.
Then flustered, she looked up and said ‘a glass of orange juice? Did I say no? Well I meant yes.’
I then gave her the orange juice and exclaimed ‘yes, no. At that time, you meant the same thing. You just used two different words’.
Words may be as old as time. But they’re not as old as people. As stress is a part of society, so are words. And we have words to describe such social emotions. But when you look beyond stress and its imposed complications. And you look beyond words and their meanings and associations.
You go back to what it is to be alive.
Some words describe everything. Some mean nothing.
Indescribable is a word. But what does it describe?
You can only relate it to words you have relation to. But those words may mean a different thing to someone else.
Primarily we have always felt, before we could describe how we felt. Descriptions just came along with social relation. ‘burn out’ ‘bored’ ‘antisocial’.
If you want to find a word that describes how you feel… make one up! That has a feeling your trying to describe
Hi Rob,
One of the reasons it is so hard to find the right words is because words are symbols of symbols (sounds pretty far out there until you think about it). In very simple terms, I would say, in seeking happieness, we all want to become whole.
Good point Michael. Reading the comments and considering their implications, I'm coming to see that different people have different words relating to their stage in the life cycle.
Yes, Bruce. That is a way of looking at it, that I hadn't really noticed, until reading all the comments. But it's something I need to consider in more depth.
perhaps what we should strive for is the common good. mostly what we strive for is teh common GOOD in our lives. perhaps we want happiness..we want goodness. we want GOOD = or the closely related word GOD…to fill us with purpose.. I guess fulfillment? enjoyment? I'm not specifically a GOD person…but i do believe in teh common GOOD.
Ruth I totally agree!
yeaaa!!!
if the ultimate goal is the common good…it is therefore never fulfilled because of all the world's suffering
Rob I truly enjoy your articles! I am sorry I have not had time to read them all lately
but anyways you have a typo at realise = realize ;P sry im a neat freak
Thanks for pointing it out, Addys. However it's a language difference. Realise is the English version, realize is the American version.
Ohhh you're British? I'm sorry I didn't realize ;P …pun intended
[...] after considering all the views you gave on what is the end goal and reading Joseph Campbell talking about the same ideas, I’m considering the idea in more [...]
[...] think Bruce summed it up perfectly in his comment (on the second page of comments) on the post, what is the end goal, where he said what we are really seeking is completion. [...]
Hi All
I can only comment from my life expereinces.
It seems to me that we continually look out there for happiness.
This can take many forms such as money or other people.
Yet when do we ever stop and ask what is wrong with me right in this moment?
Why do I need to add to myself ?
All I know is I have searched out there and had the perfect life, perfect partner etc etc
All the stuff !
Yet it was still meaningless
It didnt fill the gap in my Self.
A little while after this through an Expereince, I realised this was because what I search for is not out there.
I am already complete and if I just looked and saw that in myself and ALL others it would be perfectly clear.
So the end goal is simply this
To know the answer to "Who am I"