What Determines Whether You Can Resolve Stress?
Following on from the Zero Stress System, we are now looking at the dynamics underlying the making of a decision.
Every morning for the history of humanity, the sun has risen to illuminate the world. As it rises, it holds the promise of freshness. The uncertainty of a new day dawning. Yet as it reveals the world below, we see the same old structures and realize that this day will be much the same as the last.
photo credit: joiseyshowaa
Recently I received an email from someone expressing a fairly common reaction that she had no interest in life and was only waiting for her time to pass and return to a better world.
Many other people have expressed similar thoughts and there have been times when I could sympathise. Sometimes it just looks like life is set on a path that we don’t want to be on and it seems too hard to change.
But the truth is, life just is.
The only difference between living in a physical world and in an afterlife is that people tend to limit their thoughts within a physical structure. They think what they see is the extent of what is possible and so if they can’t see it, they doubt it’s possible.
There are two forces that concern us in relation to this issue. The first is the force of life, like a river, just flowing freely where it can. What impedes life are our mental structures of set beliefs and prejudices.
None of us are new here to this planet. So obviously we are meeting with a history of experiences,observations and learning. Our heads have been filled with rules and regulations, from Parents, Peers, Teachers, Society generally and our own observations.
Yet none of these have ever had a broad enough understanding to really know how things are. Scientists are one example of a group of people who believe they can tell us Laws, only to then find their Law needs amending or abolishing when it is found to be flawed or incomplete. And these can be found in all fields, all cultures and all times. All we can ever have is a working understanding of life.
So we grasp onto these beliefs that help to bring us some sense of security and certainty in a world of chaos. But we do this at the cost of shrinking and limiting our sense of what is possible.
In our minds we have a structure built up, much as a city builds, with a mix of architecture from different times and sources. And it is this that dampens the enthusiasm of the new, with the belief in the old.
photo credit: photomequickbooth
And it is the structure that is the source of all problems. Life flows freely, but it is the landscape of your mind that hems it into certain patterns that contradict rules and laws that you are certain are right.
In the natural unfolding of life these would not necessarily be a problem. However when they are framed by your belief that life has to show up in a certain form, then you have set the situation up so you view it in a certain light.
All problems stem not from the situation you are in, but from the way you are looking at the situation you are in. Which is why I so often say, you can be right or happy, but not both.
Next post will wrap up the Zero Stress System, with the factor that determines your inclination to choose being happy over being right.
I love the statement, you can be happy or you can be right. A marriage therapist I heard once said that understanding this was a requirement of a long happy marriage.
Regarding beliefs. I recently have gone through some pretty intense retrospection lasting close to a year. Following this idea of limiting beliefs, I spent a lot of time trying to determine where mine originated. I think I finally figured it out recently and can see the many ways it affected me in my early years. What made me more sure, was that those patterns of behavior in my adult life followed very closely to those same beliefs I’d formed as a kid. I was able to see the connection very clearly for the first time in my life, where before it was impossible to figure out.
What has surprised me is that I always thought that when I finally figured out where my self limiting beliefs originated from, that I would at once be able to shed them like wet jacket. Then I would automatically lighten up and start enjoying life with a new set of eyes.
Either it takes a lttle more time than that or I’m still uncomfortable letting go of the old “me”, because I still feel the old fears and the “not good enough” feelings inside.
I feel like my eyes are open now, but I’m trying to understand why it feels like I haven’t changed my self perception that much.
To be clear, discovering what I’ve discovered has been very useful and I do feel more whole, just not the way I thought I would.
This all makes so much sense to me but as I think Brian is saying the knowing to doing seems to be very hard at times and letting go of things (in my case at this point in time my image of what a particular relationship could become) seems almost impossible at times. Where I am at with this is that maybe I dont need to let go of this image at all but just let it be in my mind as a possibility that may or may not materialise or even more likely might materialise in a way that I cant currently even imagine. My life is very full and I am certainly not unhappy. I identify with the statement Rob makes about the problems originating not from the situation we are in but in the way we are looking at that situation. Its good to talk to those who are thinking about similar things.Thanks to everyone for being out there and sharing their thoughts.
Thanks Brian and Fred for the comments. I’m going to make two posts based on them. I’ll post them soon.
This also depends on us human beings.Whatever we create in our inner thoughts produce what we get.When one keep thinking,creating negative images in most cases this tends to be the end result.likewise,positive attitude,thinking produce happiness,success in one’s life.
thanks for the effort on this.
[...] couple of posts ago Brian commented that he had spent a year analysing and working out where his beliefs came from only to find it made [...]
[...] wasn’t really discussing Bath or it’s beautiful buildings. I was responding to Fred’s comment on why it can be that you can make a decision to change, yet it is so hard to get completely [...]