Much of the stress and anxiety that people feel comes from their concern what other people think, or will think, about them. There is much made of the power of first impressions. Some experts say the first 30 or even 5 seconds define the success or failure of an interaction. Therefore something like a sales presentation or a job interview hinges on the first impression you make.

photo credit: Werner Faymann

And so all that generates an enormous amount of pressure to not screw up. To portray exactly what the person you are trying to impress wants to see. And so people feel this anxiety because they don’t know exactly the impression they need to make.

If you ever feel this kind of anxiety, I’m going to take one moment now to give you a strategy to relieve it instantly.

Forget trying to create an impression.

It’s nonsense. Even if you make the ‘right’ impression, you’re just causing problems down the line.

If you are trying to con someone into hiring you for a job that you’re not suited to, you need to make a good impression.

If you are trying to sell someone a heap of worthless junk, you need to make a good impression.

If you are a lying, cheating, bullying Lover, than you need to make a good impression.

If you want something from other people that isn’t really a match with your skills or attributes you have, then your success in getting them is like success in a lottery. It depends on your first impression matching with what they are looking for.

But otherwise you just need to be yourself.

Personally, I know that I often don’t give a great first impression. People have told me that they initially thought I was aloof and stand offish. But I don’t worry about it any more. Because one of two things is going to happen.

Either we will never meet again, in which case they are irrelevant to me and I to them. Or they’ll get to know me and over time discover the real me.

It’s the same thing, with making a sale or getting hired.

Over time a Buyer, Employer or Lover can evaluate the best fit for them. Or maybe they can’t. In which case they lose out, you move on and forget about them.

There are tons more lined up behind them, who are just as rewarding to sell to, work for or love.

photo credit: sergis blog

If you wanted to hire the best Golfer, would you hold interviews to make a decision?

Of course not. We both know that one man stands head and shoulders above the rest. But it wasn’t through first impressions was it?

photo credit: minds-eye

You see, the truth will always out.

Any Golfer can hit one great score and be in the lead at the end of the day. Less can still be there at the end of two days. Much less again can win a 4 day tournament. Very few can win the most in a season. And only one can be the best over five or ten years.

Many Actors or Actresses have hit movies. Same thing with Singers or Writers. But few have more than one. And very few have hit after hit.

It’s the same in any field. Over time the best will be the only one still standing. The Pretenders will all fall away as obstacle after obstacle reveals the truth.

The purchase, recruitment or relationship that is based on a misleading first impression, won’t work out.

Sooner or later the truth will out. The product will fall short. The new Recruit will make mistakes and cause problems. And Prince Charming will turn out to be a wife beating, cheating scumbag.

You see, over time people can much more accurately pick the best or most appropriate. But when forced to make a decision from a snapshot they make mistakes.

You have to not need the sale, the job or the relationship right now. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, metaphorically stand on your own two feet and then people will pick up on your confidence, based on your certainty, and you’ll make the great first impression. Because you’ll be an exact match for what they need.

And those Client’s, Employer’s and Lover’s that if you got involved with would cause problems and heartache down the line, they won’t buy because their muddled thinking will cause them to be swayed by the veneer of someone else’s first impression.

Be the yourself and sooner or later you’ll be recognised by those you are the best match for and they’ll seek you out. But when you pretend to be what you’re not, you’re just causing problems for later.

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