The Secret Behind Stress And Depression
People often get enamoured of techniques and secret formula’s to get what they want. So you have all these diet books and relationship strategies and philosophies. But the fact is there is one secret to getting what you want. It is the universal secret to life.
You just have to love life.
If you want a great relationship with your Partner, you don’t need better communication skills or seduction tips or whatever else, you just need to love them. Not love certain parts of them and wish other aspects of them were different. But love them completely as they are.
photo credit: nessadoll77
If you want a fulfilling and rewarding career, you don’t need certificates, job titles and permission, you just need to love what you are doing. Again, not certain parts, but the whole enchilada.
If you want to be slim and that’s not what you see in the mirror, you have to love the idea of being and becoming slim.
You see, the problem is that most people don’t really love. Not really.
They have this wishy washy, luke warm ‘I’d like to. but it’s so hard’ desire. I remember reading in a book by David Deida a line saying something like ‘You have to f*** life as you would your woman.’
Most people think, ‘if only I didn’t have this problem or if only that person was…’ And so because they are busy whining about the parts they wish were different, they end up contaminating the whole thing, in their mind.
It’s never enough to get rid of problems. There isn’t a set formula or recipe for life. You just have to love it so much that you never push it away from you.
You see, what happens when we fall out with people is that a gap grows between us. And in that gap, grows up emotional weeds. Bitternesses, grudges, resentments and so on. These keep us apart from reconciling our differences, until we end up on opposing sides of a battleground. Then we get into a defensive mode and ascribe the other with evil motivations and attack, in order, we justify to ourselves, to defend ourself.
photo credit: jonathanb1989
There are rows and rows of problems lined up along each of our individual path’s. Any one of them could upset our emotional equilibrium. So it is never enough to get rid of problems. Because all you end up then with, is a problem-free life. And while that may seem peaceful, it’s boring. It’s just the respite before the next problem.
You have to love life so much that you want to stay close and connected to it even when problems hit. To love life enough to go full pelt and carsh and still keep going. Because then, you do not leave space for the emotional weeds and debris to grow and separate you from your wellbeing.
If there is a group of people that I find it most difficult to relate to and work with, it’s depressed people. The way I am, when I talk to people I explore the way they think and sort of walk around inside their mind.
My God, that feels terrible with a depressed person. Being in the mind of a depressed person is like being in prison. Every glimmer of hope is jumped on and smothered. It’s constraining and claustrophobic. Just feeling it for a few moments is horrible.
photo credit: amandabhslater
But I have a theory of what is at the root of depression (by depression, I mean chronic, climical depression) based on my limited experiences. It is that depressed people inherently and deeply believe that they are a bad person.
So deeply do they believe this, and so fearful are they of this being uncovered, that they will go to any lengths to avoid looking at themselves. Every slight perception or feeling of this being pointed out is quickly attacked and denied. And the person will go to any lengths to avoid the truth, because they believe to reveal the truth is to reveal their evil to the world.
And so as they run off on their endless wild goose chases, they distance themselves from the source of life. Into the gap grow the emotional weeds, resentments and bitterness. And so they feel attacked by everyone. Constantly bombarded. And exhausted by fighting life.
But the real problem is that they do not love life. Instead they fear life. Everything is seen through the perception of how can this harm me, rather than what is lovable about this.
Not sure if it’s fear of life or an ignorance of life depressed people have. That is, they feel they really don’t know life and how it works. Because they don’t know they don’t know how to improve their own situation. They feel alone and powerless. This leads to even more loneliness and depression. I always thought depression was synonymous with a lack of energy. Energy to do anything because by doing anything may just waste their time and run out of the little energy they have.
Hello,
Very interesting theory and I think it certainly contains a grain of truth. However, it would be too easy to say to a depressed person that he has to start loving life. The fear for everything often has seeped into every corner of his behaviour, in his daily habits, which indeed consumes all his energy.
Often, I think, these emotions — love and fera for life — are a byproduct of another process, of a certain lifestyle. For example, if somebody has found a certain passion in life, the love automatically emerges. While a constant confrontation with ‘annoying’ people might evoke an attitude of fear.
The escape of depression has to be, I think, at the same time a conquest for a bearable lifestyle with a certain purpose. The will to impose hope on your life is required, that there is any sense in what you do, which everybody has to find out for himself, since all nice things in life are subjective. (Nonetheless, some people might need guidance in this process. Parents could be helpful.)
I have to say, it is a very interesting hypothesis you proposed and it can be a good starting point to develop and deepen this out.
Kind regards
[...] last post on the root cause of stress and depression angered at least one person, who saw it as a personal attack on them. It wasn’t personal [...]
[...] No plant will ever hide or shield itself from the light, but that is exactly what the depressed do. They shrink and avoid contact with the truth. For they fear that if the truth were revealed, they would be revealed as worthless, or evil, and cast out and therefore they must hide from it. That was the point of my post on the secret behind stress and depression. [...]