You Can’t Quit
Recently talking about stress management training I made the point that it doesn’t matter how hard it seems, you can’t live a happy life without taking the time to develop your ability to deal with stress. You just don’t have the choice.
Today something has inspired me to revisit that topic, but to emphasis it in a stronger way. Watch this video and I’ll be here waiting when you get back.
While I feel this point so strongly, and hopefully while the video above has put you in a more receptive state to this message, I’m going to spill out the frustration I feel when I see people wasting hours, days and even years on living a miserable existence when it could so easily be different.
photo credit: Aitor Escauriaza
I can remember when I was a very small child. I used to look at roads or trails that I did not know where they led to and wonder if down them there may be a shortcut to somewhere I wanted to go, but I knew was far away. People waste their time, their money and their life on looking for such shortcuts. Yes, you don’t have to be wasteful in reinventing the wheel from scratch. It is possible to learn the process and stand on the shoulders of others.
But so many people want to believe, as I did as a child that somewhere 300 miles away might be found in a 5 minute walk or drive, if only we found a secret path.
Dieter’s are seeking the magic diet that will make them slim without changing their relationship with food.
Desperate men are looking for the magic phrase, or deodarant, that will suddenly make supermodels fight each other for the chance to sleep with them.
photo credit: Axel Hecht
Insecure women are pumping themselves full of poison hoping people will believe their biological clock works in reverse.
And everyone is running around thinking that if only those other fools would not be so selfish and foolish and do things the way I wanted all would be well.
I’ve been involved in the diet and self help industry for long enough to know the way it works. People want results without being prepared to pay the price. It’s understandable. When I get the bright idea of some new project and the time comes to do it, it always seems so hard to get started and my mind seeks any distraction to avoid the drudgery and uncertainty ahead. So I completely understand the mental process, but I also know that just beyond that sticky patch is the most fulfilling flow state.
photo credit: Arthur Legardo
I have noticed that so many people never get beyond that fear and overwhelm and so when a new diet comes out or a book that says it’s discovered a path that can metaphorically take you 300 miles in 5 minutes, there’s a stampede.
The paradox of life is that we want to get as much as we can for as little as we can give, but we only enjoy what we have, when we give all we have.
People always fall for the story that there’s just this mountain to climb and then there’s eternal paradise. The truth is that paradise is a state, not a place. And state’s are always changing. There are only plateaus, but never a final destination. There’s always a higher mountain. Because ultimately all the fun is in the climbing.
It doesn’t matter how many long lost secrets you unearth, stuff is always going to go wrong. People will disappoint you, betray you and leave you. Things will happen right out of the blue that will turn your life completely upside down. You will fail. And fail again.
But that does not have the power to affect how long you feel negatively about it. It does not matter what happens to you, you can still maintain your own balance.
And that thing that feels like a punch to the stomach, you can take that, recover and pick yourself up without wasting your time dwelling in self pity or bitterness.
You know, if there’s one person that I look at and admire above all others, it would be Jesus. And this often gets confused. Not for any of the religious reasons. I don’t believe he was born uniquely special. I don’t believe any of the supernatural stuff, like the immaculate conception, walking on water or even the resurrection.
My admiration for him comes solely because of his strength of character. He had perfect integrity. Nothing swayed him from his inner truth. Not being beaten. Not riches or power. Not the threat of death. Nothing. And so he was pure and untainted by the world. He was what we all would be if we did not sell out to our fears and greed.
The rest of us get seduced by greed or fear. And some get lost because instead of standing for something, they become an amalgamation of the worlds wants. Right now on this planet there are millions of people walking around squandering oxygen because something went wrong and they gave up.
They tried to get their dream job or get their business going and something didn’t work or someone discouraged them and so they gave up.
They loved and lost and it hurt so deep that now they have given up.
They tried and made a fool of themselves and so now they try no more.
You don’t have a choice. As Nick said, if he doesn’t keep trying, he’ll never get up. But with persistence, he’ll find a way that defys logic. And so will you.
You are either living or dying. Growing or decaying.
Growing is the process of struggling against the forces that depress you so that you can again rise to the top. Decaying is simply the state of rotting in your bitterness or pity.
People grieve those who have died. Yet death is just giving up. I grieve those who have given up as they breathe. They shuffle about, but are just waiting for the slow, miserable physical decay to catch up.
This is an extraordinary article. Simply extraordinary. It gets right to the guts of the situation. Thank you for this.
Hi Rob, This was very inspirational. I was amused at the use of words about people 'squandering' oxygen because they have given up – it made me think. Many people just do not seem able to get over the set backs you describe and so although this is an inspirational piece and it will touch many and lead some to action, not all will be able to put in the desired and consistent effort required. I have often talked about the methodologies as I am frustrated that so many people (myself included previously) spend time 'squandering oxygen'. However currently I am less focused on the methodology than how one 'develops the will' – once we have the will there are many routes we can use to success if we apply ourselves – I suppose what I am asking is what are the mechanisms to help other develop the will – showing videos of people who have succeeded against all odds, promoting them, talking as we are doing, conducting ourselves in a positive way – all these things I suppose?
Hi Rob:
Another mind searching article. People do become hopeless and helpless when their lives are driven without purpose. I do believe that each one is here to fulfill a specifc role during his/her lifetime as designed by a loving Creator. And as the song writer says: "If I can help somebody as I go along then my living will not be in vain" . Indeed discovery of our true purpose in life will reduce stressors and foster health and happiness.
Thanks Isoke.
Ruth, having been mercilessly prodded, mainly by you, into analysing the how-to part, I think I've worked it out now. Am about to write it up and I'll have completed my guide to stress management.
Maxine, I agree that we need a greater purpose. In fact, I think that stress and depression are partly due to stagnation. I don't necessarily think that there is a specific purpose, more that we have a general design to go forth and break new ground.