Good point Ayesha, that's something I don't think I made clear, but you do have to face it, So it's easier to do so straight away.

Brian, having two young kids I can understand exactly those same concerns. I think though, like you say, you have to look at the destination you want to get to. In your case, giving as much of yourself as you can to your kids.

Then you can see that there are many paths that lead to the same destination. It's like taking a detour around roadworks. In the end you still get to the same destination.

It's funny how things workout, but some people do find that they can have more quality focused time with their kids after separating because their time is free of the day to day pressures of living.

I always try to give my kids an outlet. What I mean is if they've argued with my wife, they can talk to me about it and vice versa. Then they don't feel isolated or that everyone's against them (well they still do). Being outside of the home puts you in a very powerful place to do this.

In my case a divorce that hit me hard and a subsequent hanging on provides the dilemma. I don't want the reality of my kids having to deal with it. I don't want them to miss out on the "family" experience they were to have. So accepting it sometimes feels the same as abandoning what was.

There is something in the last line of Robs post though, that is likely the answer to this. Working toward (forward) something is certainly different than trying to go back. At the very least, it's the door that's always open.