After writing the last post I realised I’d missed out on some of what I meant to say and then Mari left a question that gave me the impetus to write this post.  

The entire personal development and psychological fields are based on this question of how do we live up to the ideals that we hold?  

And these are questions that I have been giving a lot of consideration to.  Last year I realised I needed a focus and so decided to focus my efforts and attention on overcoming stress.  Since then I have spent some time researching the solutions available.  And to be honest I’ve been appalled at the lack of any significant understanding.  

Typically it’s the same regurgitated, tired old theories.  Their solutions then seem to be based on either a list of prescriptions, such as; exercise, eat this, do that etc.  Or else it’s something like meditating, counting to ten or taking deep breaths.  It comes in many forms, but the underlying assumption is that you can’t deal with life and so you have to put it on hold for a while.  I completely disagree with this assumption.

Yes, when you are overwhelmed there may be a need to ease the stress and relieve the pressure.  Just as you might put a plaster on an open wound to protect it from infection.  But that is a temporary solution based on the fear of things getting worse.  The deeper idea that this belief is rooted in, is a mental framework that life is dangerous and all we can do is limit the damage.

For the most part, your efforts should be based on the assumption that life is good.  That you can not only cope with life, but you can be in complete harmony with it.  Someone in harmony with life need have no fear of harm.

I would agree with Mari’s thoughts that stress is a by product of not knowing yourself.  I would actually say that it is caused by a splintering of the you, you could be and the you, you are being.  And so I believe that ultimately the solution to stress is to reunite these two and live wholly.

The nature of our existence in this world is to first understand what to do and to then develop the co-ordination to do it.  A baby can know that she wants to catch without knowing how to catch.  The ability to catch, follows the desire to want to catch.  We learn to drive when we want to enough that we will go through the discomfort and embarrassment we feel at not being able to drive.  And that goes for all newly developing skills.  

The lag between knowing what we want and developing the co-ordination to get there is what determines how smoothly and happily or how miserable and frustrating our lives are.  The real key is never found in a technique or method, but simply in the persistent desire for the end result.  Because with positively focused attention comes creativity and so an endless procession of possible routes to the desired destination.

Positive attention is important.  Negative attention such as worrying and panicking will only lead to fear and frustration.  Believing we can tackle the issue and searching for the solution is positively focused attention.  This directs our attention to deal with the problem, rather than how we feel about the problem.  The more positive and relaxed we feel, the more in harmony we are living.  And in that relaxed, positive state we are more open to the stimulus around us.  This is where we find creative solutions.  

Haven’t you noticed, how in a relaxed state, maybe on holiday or on a Sunday stroll you are filled with ideas?

photo credit: BurningQuestion

Likewise have you ever tried to tell someone in a panicked state the obvious solution to their panic only for them to completely ignore what you are saying in their frantic state?

The answers to our problems are all around us, it’s just that we’re not listening.  Every human problem has been solved by someone, at some time.  Equally every problem, is still a problem for someone, some where. 

Look at the diet industry.  It’s filled with hundreds of possible routes from the weird and whacky to the rigorously scientific.  Yet every path has worked for some people.  Because it’s not the method that matters, but the desire.  Give an uncommitted person any method and they will fail.  Give a determined person any and they will succceed.  The difference is in their dedication to the goal.

Here’s how this now links to the original question.

When you think a thought for thr first time, you link together two neurons.  So a new intellectual theory is like a spiders newly spun web.  Beautiful, yet fragile.  One swipe and it’s gone.  But imagine that every time you thought about that theory, you added strength and depth to the bonds?  

photo credit: Jerry Thompson1

With much attention and thought, you would soon have bonds that would seem as strong as a ship’s rope. 

photo credit: Donnaphoto

It is because of this that many feel bound by their habitual behaviour and thoughts.  And so we can intellectualise to a much higher standard than we can live up to.  With time, persistence and dedication we develop the co-ordination and the neurological framework to support the behaviour that matches our vision of what we could be. 

The intellectual or spiritual aspect of ourselves is like an Explorer, running off in search of adventure and expansion.  The physical side of us is like the Settler, building structure and order to what we have already discovered.  Our work is to focus our efforts on what needs to be done.  And not worry about how much there is to do, or what someone else is doing or what others think of what we are doing?

That is the difference between living life or existing.

Tags: Stress Management // 6228 Comments »http://livewithoutconflict.com/blog/living-up-to-our-ideals/Living+Up+To+Our+Ideals2009-01-07+13%3A51%3A12Rob+McPhillips