Some questions I would ask;

Do I love this man as a Lover or as a person?

Can I love someone without being in an intimate relationship with him?

Am I with him for love or for guilt?

Is he the person I want to spend the next few years with or even the next few months?

Do I want to live with someone who can’t/won’t be honest?

If someone is not honest about themselves, about how they feel, about what they want, about what they do, in other words they are not truly them, are you really in a relationship with them or with the phantom image they create?

What do I want from a relationship?

Do I want to be in a relationship out of fear, or guilt, or in one that is based on love?

There are many nice guys, is that the only criteria I have for a relationship?

How do my children feel about this man?

Is it benefiting them for me to be in this relationship?

To stay in a relationship I don’t really want to be in, is that not condescending to the other person?

Is it a relationship of equals or am I supporting him?

Is my life about making someone, who is basically nice, happy even though the forces of life are giving him the evidence that what he is doing won’t lead to what he wants?

If you stay, in ten years time, will you end up feeling bitter and resentful towards him?

Can you stay with him and still have everything you want in life?

In some situations you really can’t change anything. It sounds like your’s might be one of them.

In this case, if you really have no choice than there is no basis for guilt, is there?

So then the questions are aimed at releasing the guilt. Such as;

Why can’t I move past the guilt?
What will it take for me to stop the feeling of guilt?
What belief do I hold that makes me guilty, for what I can’t possibly do?

The later steps cover these aspects. They are all about tying up the loose ends.

Not something I ever expected to say

Some extra questions I would ask. Plus I couldn’t resist adding some comments.

Remember no judgement is behind them, but if it were me these are some of the questions I would ask and have asked of myself.

The comments are basically the answers I came up with, for myself, with when I questioned myself with much the same questions. It’s all a question of how you see yourself. And so the answers are unique to each Individual.

Are you a person that gives half heartedly?

Even when you don’t care about results, is it You to give less than you could?

Are you content to do just that, that you can get away with?

Try a day working 100% (without seeking any reward) and do another day at 70%. Which day passes quicker and seems more enjoyable, aside from any external reward?

What skills that you are developing as a Coach can you use in your current job?

As a Coach, if you had a Client in your situation, what would you do?

Surely, this situation is causing you to become more creative in finding meaning and applying these skills. Could this be training to become a better Coach?

What are the biggest problems in your workplace, perhaps like many, there are departmental conflicts, lack of interest?

Could you solve these, or work on doing so, find meaning and use this as a springboard to a new career and so leave on a high note?

My thoughts based on experience and observations on similar situations.

All knowledge is equal. There is a place, at the peak of every field, where all things meet, converge and share the same universal wisdom.

You can learn more about personal development from your work. Wisdom comes from life, from the need to overcome problems.

Most people who try to develop themselves do so by reading books and following curriculum. It’s artificial learning, not truly a part of you, so the information is stale. It takes you so far, but only so far.

When you give of yourself, fully in all circumstances, you learn Who You Are and what Life is in a fresher, more vibrant way.

When you do your job with 100% attention and dedication, the Universe will soon realize that you have nothing to gain, in the bigger scheme of things, and so will move you on to a new context.

To do any less is to tell the Universe you have not yet come to terms with this situation and need more time. To seek to avoid anything is to turn your back on life.

Let me try it with an issue I have at the moment..

Issue – no connection with my job/career

What does that mean?
I do not feel involved in my job/career..i do whatever i am expected to do, but I do not care about the results.. I do not have clear goals to work towards and neither I feel a desire to come up with clear goals in my current job..

I feel that my current job lacks meaning and is inconsequential.

it pays me reasonably well and provides flexibility of time to pursue my other interests (reading and commenting on this blog is one of them)

What do you want?
I don’t really know..

I am looking for greater engagement and a sense of purpose in my career..

In a perfect world, how would that connection look like?

Fully absorbed.. Working towards clear goals.. touching and adding value to lives of others.. Effortless,

What is the cause (s) of that lack of connection?

my perception of lack of meaning which makes me think that it is not very important and so i do not give my 100%..

i know that i can get away with little effort.. there is neither a carrot nor a stick..perhaps unconsciouly and consciously i sense that i get paid anyway and so i might as well focus my effort on areas that are more important to my development..

Has it always been like that?

yes, most of my working life

What is it that most bothers you?
not utilizing my full potential..
the fear I have about quitting the job is losing a steady income stream

If you lose the job tomorrow, what would you feel, regret or miss?

a bit of fear of losing a steady income, but i probably will not regret it much..i am sure i will not miss the job.. but i will miss the income, i will slightly miss the nice title, i wil miss my nice office space

If you left the job now, how would you feel?

a bit nxious, but i will be motivated to move on to do what i think will be fulfilling to me.

What aspects of the job do you like?
as i said earlier.. the income, the title (a little bit), my office space ( i have a wonderful sea facing cabin), some of my colleagues

How would it feel to have that connection back?

no desire to have that connection..

What are the alternatives?

I have just trained to be a professional coach and i have two clients at the moment.. I am thoroughly enjoying the coaching assignment.. i feel good connection , feel engaged and feel a sense of meaning and purpose..

i feel good and competant as a coach..i want to do this for a few more months before i go into it full time..

i have some anxiety about whether i will be able to make a living out of this..

The Conflict:

I want to do a more meaningful job.. i have identifed an option and working towards it..

I want my steady income to continue.. i am anxious that i might get bored with coaching as well