But Which Choice Is The Authentic You?
After the last post on authenticity, the overwhelming question seemed to be;
how do you know of all the options, which one is the authentic you?
I’m going to start my reply by looking at the foundations and then the answer should make much more sense.
Have you ever noticed that Toddlers tend to play to a much greater degree with stuff like sand, play dough and plasticine than older kids?
photo credit: AmandaLouise
These are all open ended play that allow lots of possibilities. There’s no set outcome, just a sense of curiousity and exploration.
Then as they get older they play more with dolls, action men and so on.
And as they get older still their play becomes more organised by rules and regulations. Until eventually we squeeze all the fun out of life and end up sat in meetings about point 4 in paragraph 2.1b. Then worrying that because it bores us, maybe we have ADD or something.
Society is set up to train us to believe that there is a right and wrong way to do things. There’s religious commandments, moral obligations, social duties, professional responsibilities and on and on. And often they collide with one another. Yet before we learned ‘the rules’ we loved to just play with lots of opportunities.
What happens when people seek to find themselves, is that they get all serious about it and believing they need to find the one true path, they go on a quest to find their ‘authentic self’. As if it is a treasure hunt for the ‘holy grail’ that has been hidden from them.
What Exactly Are You?
Let’s back up for a moment. First of all, we need to be more explicit about what the authentic you is.
It’s not your physical body. Your body is nothing. It’s just your current mode of transport. It is your spirit, your energy that animates this hairy bag of chemicals into a physical expression of the deeper flavour you are.
You are a flow of energy. Living in a body means living in a world of perception. And so we can only see a reflection of what we are, through our actions and words and other people’s reaction to those.
Much like an echo.
Of course, there is much more to us. We all know that we have more potential inside us, don’t we?
But that potential is like the Toddler’s playdough. We just see a bunch of goo, until someone makes it into a form that we can recognise and appreciate.
In exactly the same way, you may have a vision, but all anyone else sees is a mass of goo. They can only see the vision, when you start to form it into your vision.
The biggest mistake people make is to quest for their authenticity. There is not one authentic you, there are many possibile authentic you’s. Just like play dough, you can create a form and then reshape it. Over and over again.
Think of it this way. You know how on the beach, there’s someone who’s been buried up to their head. So all you can see is their head.
Well, that’s analogous to your authentic self. What even we ourselves see, is just the tip of the iceberg. Let alone anyone else. It is only when we are put into new contexts that challenge us that we are able to discover more of ourselves. Because until then it is just goo. Waiting to be formed. And it is your decision, in the sense of what you prioritise and what you discard, that crafts it into the sculpture you become.
A Blacksmith plunges iron into the forge so that he is able to mould and shape it into the form he wants. Likewise we become what we are through the cauldron of difficult situations. Hero’s are not made from mundane situations or conscious decision. They are born from difficult situations in perilous times.
When you go about the routine parts of your everyday life on auto-pilot, you only see what has already been set. It is in the moments of strife that we become able to be transformed.
Healing The Fractured Psche
Robert in his comment on the last post, pointed out that the Psyche isn’t integrated. It’s fractured into lots of conflicting parts that don’t fit together peacefully. So we are continually finding ourselves faced with difficult choices. I want this because I think it will be good for my relationship, but then I want that because it sounds more exciting.
We hate the tough decisions, the awkward moments and heartbreaking conflict. Our instincts tell us to run from and avoid such situations. But it is in that conflict, that we have the chance to heal our fractured Psyche and so makes us what we become.
We evolve, grow and develop only as fast as we integrate and transcend conflict.
Let’s use Jeff’s case as an example. His conflict comes out of his thought structure. He cares for his Fiance and wants to live up to what he perceives as his obligations to her. But equally he wants to live his own life. They are both very powerful wants. It’s checkmate. A stale stand-off with no clear winner.
Yet sooner or later, he has to move in the direction of one choice. His life is paralysed in limbo, until he does. But which one?
This is the point when people most seek answers. Some certainty to grasp hold of. So they seek advice or look for sources of wisdom to find the answer or inspiration. Some people give up and just take the easy route because they cannot bear the tension. But the easy route leads to inauthenticity. And sooner or later the conflict will play out again in some form or other.
The truth is there is no right or wrong answer. Either can be an authentic choice. Let me explain why.
Right now, Jeff is facing the fork in the road. Both paths can lead to equally beneficial outcomes. They might even intersect later.
Whatever he chooses, will change his entire thought structure. It will determine how he will integrate the two parts and heal the conflict. In doing so, he will create the Jeff he will become. As long as he truly believes in his choice rather than settling to avoid the conflict.
In other words, Jeff could decide that he’s trained to be a Dentist and it’s a good comfortable living. It enables him to live to a nice standard and though he doesn’t enjoy the way he’s currently doing his job, he will focus his energies on bringing more of himself to the role.
Just because up to now, people have seen a Dentist in a restricted conventional pattern, doesn’t mean it couldn’t be done differently. Jeff could decide that he will heal the conflict by bringing more of himself to the traditional Dentist role. In which case, Jeff needs to dig deep into his sense of identity and decide what he’s really about, what he sees as the problems in Dentistry and how it could be improved. For what makes you most unhappy is that which jars most with your sense of identity. Therefore identifying that conflict and healing it leads to you expanding the field and indelibly leaving your mark on the world.
It is through such conflict that innovations is born. There actually is a Dental role model for Jeff.
Paddy Lund was driven to the point of suicide by his work, until he decided to revolutionise his work and the field of what is possible in Dentistry. It’s an inspiring story, you can read about it later here, but don’t go yet or you’ll lose the thread and miss the point of this article.
Or Jeff could decide that work is a big part of his life and he really can’t stick Dentistry. There’s nothing about it that suits him and continuing would just make him more and more unhappy and affect his relationship anyway. So he’s going to investigate some other paths and find something that can pay the bills and put a smile on his face.
The decision is neutral.
It’s Not Which Path, But How You Choose The Path That Matters
You can jump either way and be authentic and have everything work out perfectly. However the key is that you believe wholeheartedly in whatever you decide. This only comes from really grappling with the issue to a conclusive decision. Then as you leave the furnace, your new thought structure sets and you become a new upgraded version.
If however you do not fully resolve the issue. If you choose one and yet still flirt with the other, you remain in the furnace. Not in the centre, but just enough to remain malleable. And so when tested in battle, you are the sword that breaks.
photo credit: busbeytheelder
When you believe wholeheartedly in something, you make it happen. You have hardened steel at your core and that will outlast every obstacle you face.
It is your authenticity that creates your experience of life.
Many people who like to talk of the Law of Attraction, misunderstand it. They tell you that you must think positively and believe in what you want to create it. Actually they have it back to front because they believe the result is more important than what you are. They are saying, become what you have to, to be a match for what you want. The rub is that often the things we think we want, are not the things that satisfy us.
It is better to understand what you truly believe and live in congruence and integrity. Then techniques and tricks are unneccesary. When you give yourself wholeheartedly to what you truly believe, the world forms around that giving you everything you truly need and want.
Our authentic selves are not something we live up to or achieve, they are something we create from our conscious choices. Like our muscles they grow stronger upon the battle scars of our erupted Psyche.
You see, your mind is broken. Insane. Mine too. And everyone else’s.
If you observe yourself or others closely, you will soon realise that we act completely irrationally. But we only get to be aware of that when we encounter some context in life that allows us to see that the insanity of our beliefs. So in this case, Jeff has had this conflict lying dormant for years. Yet it’s only when the conflicting ideas are able to play out sufficiently to their breaking point, that we are able to see the conflict that was always there.
If you want to grow and become enlightened, evolved, actualised, reach your potential, be the best version of you that you can, then you need to speed up the velocity of your life experience so that you integrate more of the conflicting parts that make up You. Some people do this by great highs and lows in their experiences. They learn from lots of bumps and drama.
How To Develop Your Own Authenticity Quicker
photo credit: hitchhicker
Personally, I prefer a quieter life. And I’ve learned that a conflict in my mind is just a problem lined up waiting to happen. So I try to become aware of it and deal with it before it ever develops into a problem. It’s much like car crashes. They only happen when we, or the other Driver, don’t pay attention to the warning signs.
If you can resolve conflict mentally, then you don’t need to have it play out in your life physically.
That’s the real meaning behind the name of this site, Live Without Conflict. It’s not that you won’t ever have conflict, you always will, but that you reconcile it so quickly, that it doesn’t hang around long enough to bother you.
I have been working away at developing an online membership club that is designed to help you to do this. It’s almost ready to open it’s doors. So if that sounds interesting to you, keep an eye out for an email invitation.
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