By the nature of the format of this blog I do most of the speaking.  And so to reply to a comment too quickly, may mean that I inhibit someone else from commenting.  It’s like if you’re in a group talking and the one who speaks the most says something, with some people, it can guide the conversation in a certain direction.  So I like to hang back and see if there anyone’s got any different ideas before replying.

photo credit: christophercarfi

However, after the last post heroes, heroic actions and stress free living, there is so much to say that I need add it all into a post.  All of the comments worked towards developing a much more refined sense of awareness.

Ruth kicked thing off by delineating between my definition of hero and hers.  I actually think that we mean the same thing, but the references that we are using mean different things to us.  Let me explain.

My definition of a hero was, someone who lived perfectly at the heroic standard.  I defined my Hero’s as Buddha, Jesus and Lao Tsu.  And I think that is where the misunderstanding comes in.  The standard story for these people is a mythologised idea that they were perfect Saints.

I absolutely do not believe that any of these three were born any different from us.  It’s clear in the story of the Buddha that his was a journey to enlightenment.  Where he was born in abundance, rejected materialism, almost to the point of death and then came into balance with the ‘middle way’.  I think that religion, certainly in the case of Jesus, has created an ‘idol’ which as Roland points out creates an image that we can’t live up to and so disempowers us.

photo credit: xmatt 

Jesus was a great man, but my understanding and so the base I refer to,is that his greatness was achieved and not bestowed.  I don’t believe in the immaculate conception, resurrection or other supernatural tales except in a metaphorical sense.  Having read speeches that he was reported to have made, I believe Christianity to be a social/political organisation based on a limited understanding of what he meant.

You see, when you strive for acceptance and popularity, you have to lower your standards to the lowest common denominator to be understood.  And so I think concepts and principles were dumbed down by the Church, to be made understandable for the general population at that time who were for the most part illiterate and had very primitive levels of understanding of the world.    

So to come back to Ruth’s point, I don’t believe in the idea of Sainthood.  I don’t think anyone ever has been unstained.  However I do think some people attain a level of growth and maturity, so that they remain almost perfectly pure from that moment onwards.  And so I think we agree on the standard, but obviously disagree on our judgement of who’s attained that level.  Which is obviously a factor of personal bias.

I’d like to think that Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama were as pure as their public image suggests.  But personally I just don’t believe that someone can be motivated to be so heavily involved in such political arenas and remain completely unstained.  But that’s a symptom of my personal distaste and distrust of politics.

photo credit: mrpattersonsir

However I do recognise each of them to have been heroic.   Each has a cause greater than themselves, that they have worked tirelessly and selflessly towards.  And as Michelle says just the conscious effort to ‘mostly’ live heroically is worthy of our deepest respect. 

However I still feel Hero, if it is to have meaning for me, means consistently heroic.  I’m just reminded of a scene in Devil’s Advocate that captures the essence of ego management. 

To give you some context, the first video shows how Keanu Reeves’s choice, influenced by pandering to his need to win over his ethics led him to a devastating outcome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOfUGixqV0A[/youtube]

Then he has just been given a second chance to go back to the original scene, the forked path that began his descent, after seeing the consequences of falling for the temptation and rejects Al Pacino’s temptation and walks away only to fall at the second hurdle.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGXvj2BjZLA[/youtube] 

Life is much like Al Pacino (in that film anyway), where when we avoid falling for one and then just turns around and tricks us again with a different weakness.  Which is why when we jump to any other beat than the one inside us, we might as well walk across a minefield.

Brian pointed out that it’s all under our control, it’s our choices and so we can be heroic if we consistently live with integrity.  And that’s what it’s all about.  Bringing our inner and outer worlds together until we live in a unified and non-dualistic way.

Anything other than this is slower, ineffective and unproductive in getting to a happier life.  Osh made the excellent point that we need not just the intellectual or technical skills to do what we are doing, but also the emotional motivation and readiness.

Productivity has for too long been seen as being acquired by following prescribed systems and procedures when actually it is really about matching tasks with the emotional states that produce the greatest readiness to complete them.

However tools and techniques, especially the Getting Things Dome methodology, can work in helping to manage emotional states.  You just have to remember that it’s the emotional state that is the priority and not the task. 

Stress management is really about managing your emotional state.  Which is about ego management.  Putting aside our desire for minor gratification in order for the bigger goals in life.  It’s sacrificing temporary desires for eternal peace.  

This is much like how a pilot flies a plane.  It gets blown off-course a little, so you compensate.  Then it goes too far to the other side, so you guide it back.  In the same way, you naturally dip emotionally and so you need to top up or re-energise yourself.  

This is why the false idolisation of  ’hero’s’ has been so harmful.  Because people are trying to live up to external standards, when internally they are miles apart from those levels.  So what happens is that they wear themselves out trying to be saintly and exhaust themselves emotionally and so get bitter and depressed and so either lash out or in subtle and silent ways take their vengeance.

So now I’ve shared my thoughts, what do you think?

It’s that the idea of a Hero, as most people use the concept is flawed.  Generally someone may make one great heroic action, after perhaps a lifetime of non-heroic behaviour and could be considered by some a hero.  

As I think about it I am undecided if this is a positive or negative thing.  Or does it even need to be judged?  Perhaps it’s one of the great features of our culture, that anyone can redeem their past mistakes with one grand selfless gesture? 

Personally, I’ve never been a great follower of Hero’s.  For me, only three people stand out in all of history that would qualify.  

photo credit: kafka4prez

Lao Tsu, Jesus and Buddha.  The reason that they stand out for me is that they were pure.  Nothing could sway them from the core of what they were.  Not threat, fear, greed, power or love.  They withstood every test.  It’s this sense of permanence and rootedness, where everything else is in a swirling maelstrom of change that marked them out for me.  And I imagine it’s that sense of rootedness and security that led to major religions being born out of their life stories.  

So I guess, for me a Hero is defined as one who has reached a state of permanent heroism.  I’m sure there are more out there, but that we never encounter.  Perhaps in more recent times, Krishnamurti might also fit my definition, but I don’t know enough of the Man beyond his books.  

photo credit: [ Djordje ]

History distances us from Individuals and so it’s easier to mythologise the people I earlier mentioned who are now as much legend, as human.  Whereas when you read about many of our contemporaries, whom are sometimes considered as Hero’s, such as Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Dalai Lama, Sai Baba etc there are so many conflicting accounts it’s hard to separate jealousy from fact.  

photo credit: p_c_w

Whilst in my thoughts, I don’t classify them as Hero’s, I do recognise greatness in specific attributes that I admire and hope to emulate.  But it’s much more of a pick and mix, taking the best and discarding the rest.  I suppose when it comes down to it, the purpose of Hero’s or Heroic actions is that they can inspire us.  Much as Sir Roger Bannister broke through the 4 minute mile threshold, so too do heroic actions show us what it is possible.  They shine a light on an area or attribute that makes us sit up, take notice and become more aware and conscious of what is possible in our own lives.

In which case, does it matter whether they are a Hero or perform a heroic action?

Often I think, it’s some kind of ego defence mechanism that makes us reduce the worth of a heroic action by pointing out flaws.  What then happens is that we distract ourselves from being inspired, reduce the value of the great deed and so convince ourselves that because she’s a Crook we need do nothing to change ourselves.  And so we lose out on the chance to gain from the area that they excel in.  

I think this is true in reverse as the world hangs on the word of Celebrities, merely because they are attractive or well known.  It’s a known psychological fact that attractive people are judged to be more intelligent and likeable despite their not being any logical connection.  

The fact is, that any of us are capable of acts of great heroism and great villainy.  

We are a like a powerful fresh, new computer.  Capable of playing the latest games, software applications and high definition videos.  But some will only ever use it for email and word processing. 

photo credit: pgh_shutter

When they try to use it for more advanced uses, it crashes and they come to the conclusion that it’s not powerful enough.  Yet it only crashed because of a glitch in the Operating System and all they ever had to do was download the updated patch that resolved the problem.  Because they never realised this, they wasted the computer on mundane activities and held themselves apart from all the exciting leading edge uses they could have used it for. 

This is how people live their lives.  ’Oh. I couldn’t do that.  I’m too …  I’m not… enough’.  It’s all hogwash.  There are certain hardware limitations.  I’m never going to be 100m Sprint Champion or partner Fernando Torres in the Liverpool attack.  However I have a lot of lattitude in adding and running software components.

photo credit: Nigel Wilson 

Want to learn Spanish?  It’s just another software program that we can all pick up with effort.

Want to be a better Parent, better Lover, better Communicator?  Again just a set of skills that any of us can master with effort.

Want to deal better with stress?  Just a learned skill.

However in this metaphor, where we differ from computers is that we need the soft skills (the software), but we also need the motivation to act. A computer will do what is asked literally of it.  We act from emotion.  And so the critical factor in whether we perform heroically or like a scumbag depends on how we feel.  When we are loving, selfless and heroic, we all perform heroic acts.  But when we feel angry, bitter, resentful and depressed, any of us can and will lash out irrationally and hurt others.

The Link Between Stress Free Living And Heroism

So we all range from Hero to Villain at different times depending on our emotional state.  We’re all heroic in our minds when we daydream, aren’t we?  

Because then we are relaxed, patient, tolerant and so on.  We are heroic when we have the mental space to think and be ourselves.  But it is when we feel pressured, harrassed and tense, like a cornered rat, that we feel we just have to lash out to make ourselves the mental space to be tolerant, patient and loving.

I have two Daughters. And at times I can be a great Dad.  I can play and have fun with them.  I can ignore all their lashing out and  listen to their frustrations and fears and guide them to seeing the solution.  But for me to do that I have to have fully dealt with my own stuff.  I need to have mentally emptied myself and be in the moment with them with either a positive mood or be completely unstained by what has gone before.

photo credit: bleublogger

And if I haven’t achieved that, then Christ it’s hard getting through a night with them.  

One is so full of energy that it’s impossible for her to be quiet.  And she’s so filled with enthusiasm that she wants to tell you about everything.  But sooo sloooowly.  The other one is going through her teenage years early (We hope so anyway). And if she’s unhappy, she demands, fights, is incredibly stroppy and will never back down.   

Whether I have a rewarding evening with them depends entirely on my mental state and readiness to be with them.  If I haven’t finished what I was working on when they come through the door and mentally I’m still in the flow of what I was doing, but physically with them.  I’m going to be grumpy and easily irritated.  But if I’m glad they’re home and receptive to them, we will have a good night.

In the same way, sometimes I can express myself well and clearly.  At other times when my mental state is more confused, it’s hard to know what I mean, let alone get it across to someone else. 

Don’t you find that sometimes, you just can’t perform.  Your work is of less quality, your thinking is lower quality and you are generally less productive.  It all depends on your mood, your emotional state. 

Actions Are A Snapshot Of Emotions

What I think gets misunderstood in the mention of Heroes generally is something that holds most people back from being heroic.  

It is that people judge themselves and others by their actions, when really actions are historic and largely irrelevant.  Actions are the consequences and side effects of emotional states.  Any action you have ever taken or failed to take was purely a reflection of your emotional state at that moment.  Had you been in a different emotional state, the action you took would have been different.  There are not good and bad people, only people in emotional states that lead to good and bad actions.

You are not your actions.

Your actions are a reflection of where you were at that point on your path through life.

I think one of the reasons why people are afraid of hurting or criticising others, as Mari mentioned, is that they feel people will take a comment on their actions as a comment on their character forever.  

As Eric alluded to in one of his comments, the people I personally class as Heroes didn’t set out to be Heroic.  They are those who in the course of their life strove to live in harmony with life.  In doing so, they developed the skill to manage their emotional state to almost exclusively stay in the upper range of positive emotions.  The art of stress free living.

The path to becoming heroic, is the ability to manage your emotional state.  Achieve this consistently and you too can become a Hero.

There’s a deeper point underlying who we admire.  

Because really our life is all about us.  Our experience of life depends upon the story we make to make sense out of the stuff that happens around us.   And so we judge others according to our own biases.  The people that we admire are a reflection of the beliefs that we hold, as to what qualities are admirable and which are not.

Now the next step is to look at the person or people that you most admire and figure out what qualities and values they encapsulate that you aspire to.  What do you see in them that so resonates with you?

Now you’ve warmed your thinking up to prime the flow, we can get more direct.

What is it that you are striving for, or towards, in your life?

What is the end goal that you are reaching for?

What is your path to becoming a Hero?

What will be your heroic achievement?

Here’s some examples;

Einstein wanted ‘to know God’s thoughts’

Joseph Campbell believed it was summed up in the statement of ‘follow your bliss’.

Buddha’s was enlightenment

Martin Luther King strove for equality.

Jesus’s was to save the world from suffering.

Mother Theresa’s was to help people die with dignity.

So what is your life about?

What is it that you really want?

Do you want to achieve something?

Live according to a certain code?

Or something else?  Share below.

I’ve heard names that I’ve never heard before, such as Louise Weiss, Audey Murphy and Anne Lamott.  And the diversity of examples has inspired me to add a new category to this blog and later a new section to the website, that will enable us to look at these examples in more detail.

Here’s a new possible hero I came across today and thought I’d share with you.

[youtube]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek1iIOTsiRo[/youtube]

What I always look for is the common thread, the underlying dynamic.  So I’ve been looking for what determines who we look on as a Hero, but so far there seems to be such a wide range that I haven’t got it nailed down yet.  Besides which, I feel like I’m always doing the talking and today I need to listen.  

So today, I want to hear your thoughts and insights and hopefully after reading what you think, I’ll see something that will help me understand this at a deeper level.  Even if it what you are thinking doesn’t seem significant, even small contributions can add up to a bigger, clearer picture. 

What I’m wondering is, what do you think makes a hero?

How do you decide if someone is a hero or not, in your eyes ?

What act or quality do they have to do or be or have, for you to think of them as a Hero? 

Does the Hero exemplify something you want to be, do or have?