I’ve been in this field for a fairly long time now. And so I’ve seen a lot of people and how they got on over time. Recently I noticed a distinct difference between two groups.
The first were people of strong integrity and character. By this I mean that they strove to find solutions that fitted with their conscience and were in line with who they saw themselves and how they wanted to conduct themselves.
The second group were looking for quick results. These are the people that want get rich quick schemes. That want subliminal cds to make life easier. In other words they have no solid footing. No grounding to work from. It’s just opportunistic. They hop from one whim to the next. These are the people that make self-help books bestsellers, because they buy into every big promise.
My observation is that the first group, the people of strong integrity may have difficulties. But these are only temporary patches. The people in the second group will have temporary high notes, but will always return to a struggle.
Because they are skipping all over the place they never place down deep roots and so they never build any momentum towards anything. In business they have no competitive advantage, because they’re just following the crowd.
And in life they struggle because they have no central theme. No criteria to decide on beyond the promised result.
Integrity is having every area that you consider being consistent with your ideal of yourself. So the way you are at work, in your relationships and alone is all an expression of you in different contexts.
Someone from the second group of people behaves in their work in the way that they believe will bring them most reward. Then in one relationship they behave in the way that will get them the result they want. In another relationship they behave differently. So in every context they act not from integrity, but from what they believe will bring them the greatest reward.
They don’t beat to the drum of their conscience. Instead they try to bend their conscience to the beat of what they think will bring a result they want.
It’s a recipe to drive yourself crazy. I know. Every failure in my life as I look back, has been where I allowed myself to be talked out of following my instincts for a more conventional appraoch.
You have to trust yourself, but it’s beyond that. You have to be you, regardless of the consequences..
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11 comments ↓
This is very true. I also have noticed this. I know personally how i used to be. I would read everything and still not understand what i was reading. I would have discussion where others were easily able to see the message while i was trying to find loopholes.
My lesson was to stop reading and start doing and learn from experience.
There are two types of people, those that divide people into two types and those that don’t.
Seriously though I think that it’s possible for people in the second group to find their way into the first group. Sometimes due to an epiphany or sometimes just naturally over time because with maturity comes integrity and character. My heart goes out to those that continue to struggle, those in the second group who find it so hard to find peace for all their seeking.
True. I have been in the second group for a long time. The only thing you get from lack of integrity is people not trusting you and as a result you can’t go any where in life.
I totally agree with you. Being who we truly are is essential to our happiness and fulfillment. Thank you for this insightful lesson.
And what if you know you are in the second group however find it difficult and struggle to get into the first one although this is were you really want to be?
You are not set into one group for life. We have all been in both groups. And I doubt any of us are completely in one group for all subjects.
There is usually a consistency, but every time you have to make a choice, your decision is between choosing to be whole and true to yourself or to get a result you want.
Essentially it’s about trusting that you are worthy, as opposed to believing the result makes you worthy.
Good and insightful article.What i beleive in that one must believe in one’s own self and try to find the unique characteristic of individuality.Everyone is different in this world;having one brain but its the matter of choice to use the rationality in a right direction with having deep rooted grounds; not a temoprary ones.
“You have to trust yourself, but it’s beyond that. You have to be you, regardless of the consequences.”
But what if the struggles you’ve had through the years are because you simply have never figured out who you are? who you are suppose to be? you’ve never found your identity? or, to put it another way, you’ve always relied on others for your identiy? that is, your self esteem has come from others. Then everything you have written is totally worthless.
It’s not that the second group is looking for a quick fix, they are struggling to find an answer, any answer, to their problem. But you can’t find a solution to any problem until you fully understand what the problem is. And to simplify the problem as being one of “integrity and character” vs “no integrity and no character” completely misses the real issue.
Identity is developed at an early age. It is difficult to find later in life, so people tend to grab on to whatever is put in front of them in a desperate attempt to find some resolution. Some peace. Some happiness. What isn’t understood is that it all comes from within! To look outside of ones-self for answers is the real waste of time. The answers are within, but we don’t teach people how to look inside,. How to control emotions and thoughts. How to be happy simply because we want to be happy.
I THINK ITS JUST BEEN AFFIRMED TO ME THAT AFTER READING N HEARING SO MANY INSIGHTS …ITS TIME TO JUST DO N EXPERIENCE …….SO SIMPLE N TRUE ….YES EVERYTHING LIES WITHIN …GOD INTUTION ..QUESTIONS ANSWERS RIGHT N WRONG ….WE GROW N MATURE N TRULY THE AWARENESS IS OF WHAT I BELIEVE I AM NOT WHAT THE OUTER WORLD BELIEVES I AM….HAPPINESS LIES IN ABSOLUTE SIMPLICITY…………….
our choices have consequences
some rewarding
some not
some last a lifetime
think about the consequences
that will make your decisions
less painfull
Warren,
I wrote a post inspired by your comment, but it was too jumbled. So I’ve broken it up. The first part is posted at;
http://livewithoutconflict.com/blog/2008/08/21/the-breaking-point/
More to come.
Pinky,
Exactly, nothing can take the place of direct experience.
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